| You probably already know that husbands and wives | | | | understand what makes us tick, makes us happy, |
| typically initiate or ask for a divorce (or at least want | | | | makes us worried, or makes us scared in the same |
| to separate or check out of the relationship for a | | | | way that our girlfriends do. |
| while) for completely different reasons. Of course, | | | | Now, we realize this is unrealistic (as men and women |
| every situation is unique and this is not always true, | | | | are different), but we'd like for you to make the |
| but it often is. | | | | attempt and listen and pay attention just the same. |
| I am writing this article from the standpoint of a | | | | A Wife Needing Your Attention And Appreciation is |
| woman whose husband initiated a divorce in the past. | | | | Not "High Maintenance:" Sometimes men mistake a |
| To save my marriage, I researched every book, | | | | woman's need for attention, understanding, |
| course, and piece of expert advice I could get my | | | | reassurance, and appreciation as our being "high |
| hands on to learn how I could preserve my | | | | maintenance." This is a huge mistake. We would not |
| relationship and get my husband to come back home. | | | | be so "needy" if you'd just throw us a bone every |
| I learned a lot about why marriages end and why | | | | once in a while. We wish men knew that if they took |
| spouses leave. | | | | only five minutes to listen to us daily, affectionately |
| As a result, I'm often approached by both women | | | | and reassuringly touched us occasionally (without |
| and men who share their marital problems and issues | | | | expecting anything in return), and weaved the word |
| with me. As a woman myself and after speaking | | | | "thank you" firmly into your everyday vocabulary, |
| with countless women who've either checked out of | | | | we'd likely be very happy with both you and the |
| their relationship or want a divorce, I typically see a | | | | marriage. This is such a simple formula, but so few |
| common theme among them. | | | | husbands really understand it. |
| Why Women Leave Men: If a woman wants to | | | | Little Gestures And Reassurances Are Easy, Take |
| leave or get a divorce, it's very likely that the marital | | | | Little Time, And Are Very Important To Women: |
| problem (or more likely problems - plural) were | | | | Little things that show love and appreciation make |
| festering, worsening, and feeding upon themselves | | | | such a huge difference and are the glue that holds a |
| for a reasonably long while. Most women are by | | | | marriage together. Unfortunately, the truth is that if |
| nature very loyal and they will let issues stack up and | | | | you don't give these things to your wife she'll |
| get very bad before they finally take action. This is | | | | eventually give up and seek them somewhere else. |
| very unfortunate because by the time the wife is | | | | She may get frustrated and check out of the |
| truly fed up and walking out the door, there is usually | | | | marriage, lean on her friends more than her spouse, |
| quite a bit of damage already done and quite a lot of | | | | or become vulnerable to some other man who has |
| ground to make up. | | | | mastered being a friendly, safe, and reassuring "good |
| Of course, there are societal problems and pressures | | | | listener." Every one knows the guy who isn't |
| that magnify a woman's frustration and encourage | | | | particularly attractive or rich, but all of the women |
| her to bottle up her feelings until it is too late. | | | | are drawn to him. Why? Because he's mastered the |
| Women are caregivers who must take generally take | | | | art of showing women respect, appreciation, and an |
| care of their spouse, children, bosses, businesses, | | | | understanding shoulder to lean on. Be this man for |
| parents and a home. Throw in money or job stress | | | | your wife. It isn't hard and you can do it. |
| and you can understand that we've often running on | | | | Giving Your Wife What She Needs Before It's Too |
| empty, but we don't want to admit this and burden | | | | Late: Take advantage of what I've told you and give |
| anyone else so we keep pressing our frustration | | | | your wife what she needs. Now, you don't want to |
| down until it boils over. | | | | be overtly obvious about this or harp on it. You also |
| The truth is, caring for others is our nature and often | | | | need this behavior to be very genuine, and you need |
| we don't mind this. (We even get a lot of satisfaction | | | | to make this a daily priority in your life. Believe me, |
| out of knowing we take care of those we love). But, | | | | your wife will take notice. She may be a bit |
| (this is a huge but, so pay close attention) we want | | | | suspicious at first, but if you wait her out and keep |
| to be recognized, appreciated, and loved for this. | | | | right on doing what you need to, she will eventually |
| And, when these issues pose problems or questions | | | | know that you are sincere. |
| for us, we'd like you to listen. Wives generally don't | | | | Getting Your Wife Back If She's Already Left Or |
| expect husbands to solve their problems, but they'd | | | | Initiated Divorce: If your wife has already left, |
| like a sounding board and sympathetic ear just the | | | | checked out of the relationship or initiated divorce, |
| same. | | | | getting her to listen to you and getting her back |
| Learn From This And Give Your Wife What She | | | | home is going to be harder, but it is certainly not |
| Wants: Women absolutely hate being taken for | | | | impossible, (and if you do this correctly, it will |
| granted. We might push this feeling aside and try to | | | | strengthen your relationship and your marriage and |
| get our own validation from our friends or ourselves | | | | you with both be happier and more fulfilled.) |
| in the short term, but eventually we very much | | | | You will just have to take very calculated baby steps |
| resent it when people can count on all we do without | | | | to reestablish trust, appreciation, and intimacy. She |
| showing appreciation. (Husbands often assume if they | | | | may not be receptive at first because you've waited |
| are good fathers or providers wives will know they | | | | too long, but this is where your genuine patience, and |
| are loved. Don't make this mistake. Tell your wife | | | | love and appreciation for her will come into play. If |
| (often) that you love and appreciate her, both | | | | you take the correct steps (at the correct time) to |
| verbally and with your actions.) | | | | gradually reestablish a cordial relationship and begin to |
| In addition to this, almost as much as anything else, | | | | show her that you can provide what she needs, you |
| women want to feel understood, valued, and listened | | | | can eventually reverse the damage and build |
| to. We very much want you to "get us" and | | | | something all together new. |