| I very frequently get correspondence from wives | | | | drew him to you in the first place and to show him |
| who are thinking about, starting, actively going | | | | that this person still exists. If he loves your energy |
| through, or are finished with the process of divorcing | | | | and drive, don't show him someone who can barely |
| or breaking up. Sometimes, this is the wife's choice, | | | | get out of bed. If he loves your personal appearance |
| but most of the time, it isn't. Sometimes, the | | | | and sense of style, by all means don't show him a |
| husband has come home and announced that he | | | | woman who is wallowing around in sweats. If he |
| doesn't love her anymore and needs to move on. | | | | loved your strong will and integrity, don't show him |
| Other times, there is some central issue (or issues) | | | | someone who is literally begging him not to leave her. |
| that just can't seem to be overcome. | | | | I realize this is common sense, but when we are in |
| The reasons for the shift are as varied as the | | | | pain and are very fearful of not having him in our |
| women themselves, but most of them share the | | | | lives, we tend to not be able to see what is right in |
| belief that the marriage isn't really "done" or over. | | | | front of us. |
| They know that deep in their hearts, they still love | | | | It's so easy to lose control. Often, we hear and see |
| their husbands and want to retain the marriage. But | | | | ourselves and that little voice in our heads is saying |
| sometimes they are the only ones who feel this way. | | | | "what in the world are you doing? Do you have no |
| Other times, the husbands still love them too, but he | | | | self respect? Stop acting that way." But, we can't |
| doesn't believe that things can really change or that | | | | seem to stop ourselves because we are caught up in |
| staying together is in everyone's best interests. | | | | the fear and in the feelings. Sometimes, you have to |
| These wives often want to know if they should just | | | | briefly remove yourself from this situation to place a |
| move on with a broken heart or fight to save their | | | | pause on this destructive cycle. |
| marriages. They want to know what their options | | | | Stepping Back To Gain Some Ground: Again, I know |
| are when they just can't (or don't want to) move on. | | | | that this is going to sound scary, but sometimes you |
| I will discuss my take on this (as well as my | | | | need to step back in order to give that appearance |
| experience) in the following article. | | | | of scarcity that we talked about. I actually did this |
| Knowing That You Can't Make Him Love You (But | | | | quite on accident but it was the thing that turned my |
| You Can Set Up The Circumstances Around You To | | | | situation around. I was tired of feeling as desperately |
| Encourage This:) I often hear women say things like | | | | as I did and I was tired of my husband's constant |
| "I just want for him to love me again like he used | | | | rejection. So, I just went home. I felt that I needed |
| to." This seems to be simple enough. But often what | | | | to be around family who loved me and friends who |
| they're missing is the understanding that the husband | | | | could bring a smile to my face. |
| is going to have to decide that these feelings are | | | | I didn't tell or contact my soon to be ex husband |
| back on his own. The more that you nag, seem | | | | because I didn't think he'd want to know. I didn't call |
| desperate, or continue to harp on him, the more | | | | him while I was gone. But, when he found out about |
| likely it becomes that he moves even further away | | | | this and I told him about spending time with mutual |
| from you. | | | | friends, something in his attitude changed. Suddenly, |
| Sometimes, the tighter you cling, the quicker and | | | | when it appeared that I just might be moving on and |
| more decisively they struggle to free themselves. I | | | | restoring my dignity and self respect, I started to |
| know that it can seem risky to step back even a | | | | become just a tiny bit more attractive. |
| little bit. But many times, this strategy has the | | | | Research later told me that I'd stumbled upon |
| highest success rate. The reason for this is relatively | | | | something that is quite often advised. When I learned |
| simple. People want what they find attractive. The | | | | this, I began to try to incorporate it into our |
| things that people find attractive are often not | | | | interactions. It slowly began to work. I very much |
| overly freely given. You have to create a perception | | | | wanted my husband back, but he didn't always need |
| of value and scarcity. | | | | to know how much. I needed to begin taking care of |
| If you are falling all over yourself to beg him back | | | | myself and paying attention to what I wanted and |
| and appear desperate for him to love you, then you | | | | needed rather than what he wanted and needed. |
| contribute to the perception that even you don't | | | | This in turn, was going to bring him closer to me. |
| think you're worth letting him come to this conclusion | | | | Eventually, the relationship became reciprocal instead |
| on his own. If you don't place yourself in high regard, | | | | of only one sided. It's ironic that for this to happen, I |
| how can you expect for him to follow suit? The best | | | | had to be the one who began pulling away. I found |
| thing that you can do (and I know that it can be | | | | this out by accident, but you don't need to. This |
| scary) is to try to remember to conduct yourself | | | | doesn't mean that you need to banish him from your |
| with self respect and grace. You are lovable. You are | | | | life. You don't. But you need to give off the |
| worthy of his love. If he does not see that, you | | | | perception that you are taking care of yourself and |
| can't single handedly change his mind through moves | | | | have enough self respect that your ability to live |
| based on desperation. | | | | your best life does not rely solely upon him. |
| What you can do, though, is to remember what | | | | |