| A brief message. A piece of advice. A nugget for | | | | look at the past as a lesson, that we have learnt |
| your welfare. | | | | those lessons and we have moved on; we should |
| When entering a new situation, when meeting | | | | always play down the bad experiences and do the |
| someone fresh, someone who does not know about | | | | same with the good ones - nobody, no new lover, |
| your past, who has an open mind and a clear outlook | | | | wants to feel that they have to make up for the |
| towards you, don't cloud their opinion by talking | | | | mistakes of your Ex or that they have to live up to |
| about the past, about your ex, about other lovers, | | | | the amazing love you lost. It is upon you, as the adult |
| failed relationships, disastrous situations; even if you | | | | that you are, to hold your tongue, to limit the |
| are over it, even if you think it's funny now, even if | | | | information you give, to show some respect to the |
| it is an anecdote that your friends find amusing and | | | | feelings of the person you are now with. We should |
| endearing; talking about the past does you no favors. | | | | all wish for the same; we should treat others as we |
| It is a common mistake, almost a phenomenon | | | | wish to be treated. |
| amongst the dating circles of the world that people | | | | And if they insist? |
| talk about their ex, about a lover they had before, a | | | | Then be strong, be forthright, be compassionate. |
| boyfriend who mistreated her, a girlfriend who | | | | New lovers will always ask questions and they will |
| stalked him. | | | | always show interest in your past; it is only natural |
| We have all heard the stories, we have all seen the | | | | that they should want to find out as much as they |
| consequences, we have all dealt with the theories | | | | can about you - but remember, whatever information |
| and the non-conclusions that come with re-hashing | | | | you give out will only be used as evidence against |
| the past; and without fail, it does nothing to raise us | | | | you; the good parts will not be glorified in their mind, |
| in the eyes of others, especially in the eyes of new | | | | the bad parts will not be forgiven; all of it will be |
| lovers. | | | | stored in their memory bank and it will give them a |
| When we start a new relationship, we have the | | | | false impression of who you are or what you were, |
| opportunity to wipe the slate clean, to truly start | | | | no matter how you try to sell it to them. |
| afresh and to move on from the past; we have the | | | | There is absolutely no need to verbally vomit your |
| chance to learn from the bad experiences, let them | | | | past all over their present; it is imperative that you |
| go, to discard that energy and to make new, better | | | | are perceived as having a sense of honor, as having |
| and more positive experiences become a part of our | | | | the ability to move on without regret, to be a |
| memory bank; each new beginning is a chance to | | | | confident and strong individual in your own right. If |
| create a better life. | | | | you reduce yourself to anecdotes, complaints or |
| But if we harp on about the past, if we talk about | | | | compliments about your past, if you display the need |
| our Ex lovers, if we bring that energy into our | | | | to tell too much, then you simply relegate yourself to |
| current situation, then we are not moving on, we are | | | | being yet another lover who cannot release the life |
| not letting go, we are not learning our lesson; we are | | | | they once lived and who will always compare the |
| simply dragging the past into the present, we are | | | | present to the past; these people are plentiful, |
| creating a new experience that is made out of old | | | | unoriginal... and disposable. |
| memories and old problems; we are not growing (and | | | | My advice: stop talking, learn to listen, be economical |
| we should always aim to grow) away from the | | | | with the truth. |
| mistakes of the past. | | | | This does not mean you should be evasive, it means |
| Added to this, we are forcing our new partner/lover | | | | that you should not be over expansive with your |
| whatever to endure our mental instabilities, our | | | | descriptions, keep it toned down, keep it to the bare |
| problematic issues, our insecurities, arguments or | | | | minimum, be selective, very selective. |
| annoyances; we are throwing all of our past disasters | | | | Remember that when someone asks about your |
| into their lap and we are making them deal with them | | | | past they do not really want to hear all the gory |
| as best they can; we are being selfish and we are | | | | details, they want to know that you have moved on |
| being insensitive. Again, we are not growing, we are | | | | and they want to see that you are capable of |
| imploding. | | | | starting something new with a fresh mind and a free |
| But what do we do if they ask? What do we say | | | | heart. By talking too much, explaining too much, or |
| without seeming evasive? Are we lying by omission if | | | | detailing too much, you only step backwards; you do |
| we don't answer their questions openly and honestly? | | | | not move forwards. |
| If our new partner asks us about our past, then we | | | | Be different. Be silent. Or, at the very least, be |
| have a choice; we can either say that we don't want | | | | sensitive and stop talking soon after you start. There |
| to bring the past into the present and so we don't | | | | is nothing quite so attractive as being a little |
| want to talk about it, or we can say that we always | | | | mysterious. |