| Most of the women who read my blog do so | | | | time, or just left for a while. I'm not saying that you |
| because they are looking for a road map or workable | | | | can't overcome these things if they happen, but you |
| plan to save their marriage when they are the only | | | | want to avoid this if you can. Why make things |
| one that wants to. Usually the husband has been | | | | worse if you can avoid it? I know that it can feel like |
| dropping hints or has just come out and said that he | | | | you don't have control over your emotions, but you |
| "isn't happy." He might also have been alluding to the | | | | do have control over your actions and how you |
| fact that he's considering leaving and separating. | | | | respond. |
| Unfortunately, these same husbands are sometimes | | | | You are much better off coming off as the wife |
| tight lipped as to what it is going to take to change | | | | who, no matter why her husband is struggling, wants |
| this. | | | | to help him and places his happiness as high on her list |
| The wives will often ask what they can do or say to | | | | of priorities as her own. Yes, your husband might be |
| get him to stay or change his mind. But the husband | | | | struggling because of things that have nothing to do |
| is usually either resistant to this or doesn't know the | | | | with you. But, it's unlikely that it's going to be you |
| answer himself. You will often hear responses like | | | | who makes him see this. It's much more unlikely that |
| "I'm just not sure if I want to be married anymore." | | | | it's going to be him, and in his own time, at that. |
| Or, "it just feels different now." Or, "we've just | | | | So you are much better off being his safe place to |
| evolved into two different people." | | | | fall and being the person he can come to in order to |
| These excuses are unfortunate because they really | | | | get support and reprieve from those things that |
| don't give you any concrete answer that you can act | | | | bother him. Admittedly, he likely doesn't see you as |
| upon. It's impossible to take action based on these | | | | that person right now. But to change that, you'll need |
| vague statements that are only meant to pacify you | | | | to begin by not allowing him to see you as part of |
| or to throw you off the trail. So sometimes, you'll | | | | the problem so that he can't even fathom that you |
| have to do just begin to act on your own and to | | | | would be part of the solution. |
| make some assumptions based on your own | | | | Getting Your Husband To Stay When He Claims He |
| observations in order to turn this thing around. I will | | | | Isn't Happy: Usually in times such as these, the |
| discuss this more in the following article. | | | | husband will begin to think that he might need some |
| Reading Between The Lines When He Says He's | | | | space and time to clear his head or to think things |
| "Just Not Happy" In The Marriage: Sometimes when | | | | through clearly. It's understandable that you don't |
| men give you these sorts of vague answers, they | | | | want for him to leave, but don't contribute to him |
| really aren't trying to be totally evasive. They | | | | seeing you as someone who is always going to try |
| sometimes don't even know themselves what, | | | | to keep him from getting what he wants. |
| exactly, the problem is. Their unhappiness may or | | | | You are better off if you can offer him some space |
| may not have to do with your marriage. | | | | within your home. This way, everyone wins and gets |
| Sometimes, they are dealing with external things like | | | | what they want. Offer to go and stay with friends |
| their job, finances, aging, responsibilities, and the fears | | | | for a while or make yourself scarce and go out with |
| that we all struggle with today. Sometimes, a | | | | your friends or family on a regular basis. Make things |
| husband will project these issues onto the marriage | | | | lighthearted and see if you can lessen the tension. I |
| and make the mistake of thinking that the marriage | | | | know that your inclination might be to do just the |
| (or you) is the problem when really, his unhappiness is | | | | opposite. Sometimes, we become afraid to leave him |
| due to something else. | | | | alone, but honestly, most of the time, the distance |
| And, many wives intuitively realize this, but they get | | | | and space will work in your favor, especially if you've |
| stuck on this fact and harp on it so much that this | | | | successfully set yourself up as the person who |
| annoys their husband and only pushes him further | | | | wants to help him and see that he gets what he |
| away. They will argue, engage, debate and try to | | | | wants to regain his happiness. |
| spell out for the husband why he is mistaken and not | | | | Ultimately, you want him to see that, much to his |
| able to see what is the real problem. The problem | | | | surprise, he was wrong in his assumptions. You want |
| with this though, is that this engaging is likely only | | | | to show him that the two of you can interact in a |
| going to make your problem worse. Because at this | | | | positive way, that you aren't going to nag him or tell |
| point, there is no doubt in his mind that this conflict is | | | | him that he's wrong or selfish. Instead, you're going |
| making him unhappy right now, no matter how this | | | | to work with him to make things better for the both |
| started. | | | | of you. This will usually be the beginning of turning |
| So this only reinforces his questioning that perhaps he | | | | this thing around. |
| would be better off if he took some space, some | | | | |