| There's few phrases that are more dreaded in a | | | | big deal out of this is just going to intensify the |
| marriage than a husband saying "I'm just not happy." | | | | problem in both of your minds. I know that this is |
| This is such a loaded phrase. You're left wondering if | | | | weighing heavily on you, but you don't need to |
| the problem is you, or him, or the marriage as a | | | | constantly harp on this to blow it up bigger than it |
| whole. And, it's quite common to wonder if he's | | | | already is. If you can't deliver a calm, compassionate, |
| allowing other stressors from his own life to invade | | | | and rational response, then wait until you're able. |
| into your relationship so that he's projecting things | | | | Because the message that you leave with him is |
| like problems with his boss, his family, money issues, | | | | vitally important. |
| or other things onto you. It's frustrating to think that | | | | You want to get across that he is the most |
| things about which you have no choice or control | | | | important person in your life. Because you love him |
| could be tainting everything that you've worked to | | | | deeply, of course you want him to be as happy as |
| build. | | | | he can possibly be. Explain that it would help you if he |
| The other day, I got an email from a wife who said | | | | could share specifics on the things that are troubling |
| "my husband came home today out of the blue and | | | | him. Tell him that there are some things that only he |
| announced that he's just unhappy right now. How am | | | | can control. You can't repair his relationship with his |
| I supposed to respond to that?" I asked her if she | | | | boss for example, but you are more than willing to |
| knew specifically what he was trying to imply | | | | listen and provide a shoulder to lean on and |
| because I wanted her to see that she shouldn't | | | | unwavering support. If it's your marriage that he's |
| blame or beat up on herself. Did this mean that he | | | | unhappy with, then you're more than willing to work |
| wasn't happy in the marriage? That he was miserable | | | | with him until you get to a place where both of you |
| at his job? That he was disappointed with where he | | | | are very satisfied with the results. Your basic |
| is or what he's done with his life? That every thing's | | | | message is that his well being is also yours, that |
| just not gelling for him right now? The wife couldn't | | | | you're absolutely in his corner and have his back, and |
| pinpoint specific issues and said that he was just | | | | that you're going to control what you can - your |
| generally stating that he was miserable. I'll tell you | | | | attitude, the way that you interact, improving your |
| how I told her to respond in the following article. | | | | marriage - while providing support on the things that |
| You Are Not Responsible For Your Husband's | | | | you can not control. |
| Happiness, But You Should Care Deeply About It: I | | | | Following Through With What You've Said: It's vitally |
| need to get one thing out of the way. One human | | | | important that you do exactly what you've promised. |
| being can not control how another feels or | | | | You can't say all these pretty words, wait for the |
| experiences life. If your husband has a tendency | | | | storm to pass, and then go right back to the faulty |
| toward self criticism or pessimism or seeing the glass | | | | way you've been doing things. Take a hard look at |
| half empty, it is not your responsibility to take this | | | | your marriage, identify where it could use |
| onto your shoulders. You can not change this for him. | | | | improvement, and get to work. |
| Trying to do so is a losing game. Because once you | | | | With that said though, the last thing you want to do |
| do this, then suddenly everything that goes wrong is | | | | is to make this process read negatively to your |
| your fault and he begins to look at you as something | | | | husband. He just isn't going to want to roll up his |
| or someone that lets him down and he begins to see | | | | sleeves and "work on your marriage," especially when |
| you as the problem rather than the solution. | | | | he is struggling. You want to give him something that |
| With that said, it's optimal that your husband sees | | | | he can get excited about. Rather than having tough |
| you and your marriage as a safe haven against life's | | | | and awkward discussions about what is wrong, focus |
| hardships and obviously, he's not seeing things that | | | | on what is right. Think about how you used to have |
| way right now. The good news is that he is still | | | | fun together and recreate those experiences with an |
| communicating. I can't tell you how many wives write | | | | eye on what the both of you enjoy today. Unplug |
| to me after the husband has already announced that | | | | your obligations for a while and prioritize reconnecting |
| he's moving out or seeking a divorce. You are ahead | | | | with out all of the pressure. Don't try too hard. Don't |
| of the game here because he gave you this heads | | | | constantly ask him where he is in the process. Just |
| up and he's trying to communicate. By being honest | | | | focus on creating pleasurable experiences that leave |
| and telling you that he isn't happy, he's basically | | | | you both with smiles on your faces. |
| asking you to help him fix this before things get | | | | His telling you that he's not happy is usually a passive |
| worse. And, that's exactly what you should do. | | | | aggressive way to ask for more attention and to ask |
| How You Should Respond When Your Husband | | | | for more fun and excitement in both of your lives. |
| Announces That He's Unhappy: The real question | | | | Make sure that this is the message that you hear. |
| here is what you do with and how you respond to | | | | Don't take it as criticism and don't get defensive. Use |
| this information. First off, you should do your very | | | | this as an opportunity to create the lives that will |
| best to remain calm. Your overreacting or making a | | | | bring both of you joy. |