| I often hear from wives who are sometimes | | | | to see that at the time when your emotions are |
| dangerously fixated on what they think is the | | | | boiling over. |
| eventual break up of their marriage (which they | | | | Taking Concrete Steps And Focusing On The Positive |
| believe will start once their husband leaves them.) | | | | When You Are Afraid That He Is Going To Leave: I |
| Sometimes, this is caused by the husband's | | | | have been in this exact situation. So, while I'm no |
| threatening to leave or by the fact that he has left | | | | mental health or relationship expert, I do know how |
| before. Sometimes, wives believe this because they | | | | you feel. I know that it's very easy to let the fear |
| know that the marriage is on shaky ground and that | | | | take you over. But, I also know that most of this |
| the husband is beginning to get frustrated and | | | | fear stems from the perception of a lack of control. |
| distant. | | | | You feel like you know what's going to happen and |
| Sometimes, there is nothing concrete that has been | | | | you know that it's going to be awful and you're |
| happening. For whatever reason, the wife believes | | | | afraid that you can't do anything to stop it. |
| that his leaving is going to be an imminent occurrence. | | | | So, to stop this destructive cycle, you must do some |
| And, also often, this makes things worse between | | | | things to return your feelings of being in control. You |
| husband and wife because her mind is always drifting | | | | want to take concrete action because this will make |
| to the worst case scenario. This might make her | | | | you feel like you are least doing something. This will |
| clingy, or paranoid, or depressed, or angry and this is | | | | often help to relieve some of those "out of control" |
| going to affect the marriage even more negatively. | | | | feelings. |
| I often hear or read comments like: "I know that he's | | | | So, what types of concrete action can you take? |
| going to leave me one day. There is no doubt in my | | | | You can focus on the positive. You can care for |
| mind about this. What can I do to keep this from | | | | yourself and take part in the things that you know |
| happening because I don't want to lose him, but I | | | | will bring you comfort and joy. This is so that you will |
| know that if I continue to harp on this and be clingy, | | | | have an easier time putting a genuine smile on your |
| I will lose him." I will address this concern in the | | | | face and becoming the type of person that your |
| following article. | | | | husband will enjoy being around. |
| When Being Afraid That He Is Going To Leave You | | | | That's not to say that you should put on a happy |
| Becomes A Self Fulfilling Prophecy: Granted, | | | | face and ignore what is going on around you. That's |
| sometimes his leaving is a real possibility. You can not | | | | not realistic either. But, sometimes we become so |
| just ignore what is going on around you or pretend | | | | hyper focused on our problems that we make these |
| that there is nothing wrong in your marriage when | | | | problems worse. Of course, you will need to identify, |
| there are real issues that are staring you right in the | | | | solve, and correctly address those problems. But, |
| face. However, dwelling on your fears and insecurities | | | | you've going to have a much harder time doing this if |
| is really doing nothing positive or concrete to help | | | | you are walking on egg shells or acting irrationally. |
| you to solve this problem. | | | | This job will become so much easier if you come at it |
| You are much better off focusing on the positive | | | | with a positive attitude and an atmosphere of |
| and taking real steps to strengthen your marriage | | | | cooperation coming from an easy going place. Your |
| rather than fixating on a day that might never come | | | | husband will likely be so much more receptive to your |
| if you take the steps that you need to take. I can | | | | attempts when you are upbeat and positive rather |
| not tell you how many men tell me that a wife who | | | | than clingy, paranoid, and depressed. |
| is constantly looking for reassurance or making | | | | I sometimes have women tell me "I wish I could do |
| accusations that he has one foot out of the door is | | | | this, but I think that my marriage is too far gone. |
| a huge turn off that actually makes him more likely | | | | He's going to leave and that's not going to change |
| to consider actually leaving you. | | | | whether I'm smiling or crying." Maybe. I don't know |
| So, while you may not see it at the time, please | | | | anyone's individual situation. But, I firmly believe that |
| trust me when I say that if you handle your fears of | | | | the chances that he will leave are going to be |
| him leaving negatively and allow this to force you into | | | | reduced if you play your cards right. I also believe |
| thought patterns and behaviors that are unattractive, | | | | that, even if he does, you're going to have a better |
| you only make what you fear most more of a | | | | chance to get him back if you leave him with a |
| possibility. Of course, this is not what you want and | | | | positive image of you rather than a negative one. |
| is not what your goal really is. But, it can be difficult | | | | |